BRAIN STORM

I travel all across this land of ours speaking on campuses, something I feel is a blessing. I spend a great deal of time in my car, something else I consider to be a blessing. During a recent trip to Iowa it dawned on me... Many students leaving home for the first time are faced with choosing new friends, something that many of them have never really had to do totally on their own before. By this I mean, sure you decided who to hang around with in grade school, high school and so on, but for the most part many of you chose these friends based on what your parents would think of the person, or you where introduced to your new friends through family or other friends. What does this mean? Simple.

When we are young it is really exciting to know that you are now out on your own. I remember when I was 18 and I left home for the Air Force, nothing was standing in my way to go out and do the things I always wanted to. Just like going away to college I felt as though now was my time to grow, and experience life. I remember the first group of people that I allowed to get close to me. We became friends almost instantly, you know, like we where made for each other. I would later find that most of these people had absolutely nothing in common with me except for the fact that they where in the same place as me, going through the same thing, basic training. Outside of that within a few months, some within less time, I found out that these people where not like the people who I had allowed in my life before leaving home. As a matter of fact, some of them I would not be very comfortable introducing to my mother and father. I could just hear my mother saying something like, "where did you find that one at"? She always had a way of knowing what a person was like just by looking at them. I would get upset with her at the time, but it would not take long before that person would begin asking me to do things that I was not willing to do, thus I would stop hanging with them.

The Point of this little BRAIN STORM, Take a little time before you allow someone to become too close to you. Take a little extra time to get to know them and what they are all about. I am not saying that you cannot hang out or be friends with people who are not like you, or believe in the same things. I am not saying that at all. What I am saying is, I have seen and spoken with many students who feel as though they have fallen in to the wrong crowd. These same students feel very bad about some of the things they have done, hence, Bad Mental Health. Guilt plays strange games with a person. It can cause us to loose faith in ourselves and at times cause us to begin punishing ourselves. I know first hand what guilt can do to a persons mind.

Here is a simple check list to use before taking on new friends. Remember this is not the gospel, it is simply something that I have used that has allowed me to surround myself with people I know will not ask me, and or tempt me to do things that I normally would never do.

Paul's Check List

• Does this person have a faith system? (You do not have to be religious to have a faith system)

• Does this person seem to talk poorly about others? (This is a disaster waiting to happen. Drama will only consume your brain with information that is usually useless and always distracting)

• What type of motivation level does this person have? (does he/she go to class on time and study without delay)

• Drugs, Alcohol - Is this person doing these things? (Facts are facts, if you do not do these things, chances are your new potential friend will try to get you to. #1 cause of death on campus, accidents due to drugs and alcohol.)

• What type of grades does this person have? (If you surround yourself with people who get poor grades, there is a major chance they will attempt to bring you down with them. Another fact of life, people do not like to be out done, therefore they will do all they can to become the top dog)

• Respect - Potential new friends need to be respectful of you, your beliefs and property. (Conflicts due to lack of respect are very hard on your mind. It is best to stay clear of these people at all costs.)

• Parental Approval - Probably the most important one...Is this potential friend someone that your parents would approve you hanging around with. (Why is this important? Again, you have been raised a certain way, you are who you are today because of that. Do not compromise who you are, and you will have little reason to feel bad about decisions you are making. I am 43 and still use this one.)

This is just a sample of things you can ask yourself before allowing someone in to your life. Remember this, I am not saying that you cannot have people in your life unless they are 100% like you. What I am saying is, it is very important not to compromise who you are in life. Just think of that.

~Paul E. Jones

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